My brother helped me bury Charlie and we dug a hole in our cousin’s backyard. They were wondering why we had to do it. It’s symbolic and will help me move on. Also, it was the least I could do for someone who had given me countless hours of happiness.
When the hole was deep enough, I slowly placed him there and made a silent wish. Then uttered out loud “Goodbye Charlie!” We filled the hole again and placed small concrete slabs on top of the mound. Then another and final “Goodbye Charlie.”
We went home and I readied myself to do a client call and spent a couple of hours in Makati. Was supposed to buy something to cook for dinner but the supermarket had a problem dealing with cards. So I just went home.
There was one last thing I needed to do and that is to clean up the area where Charlie crawled around (and suffered) and “waited” for us to see him. Looking up from where he fell from, down to where he might have landed upsets me. I do not want to be reminded anymore of what he went through and seeing those marks would always make me see Charlie in pain.
What we’ve learned from this experience is the importance of having a pet friendly environment/house. That we certainly do not have.
I love you Charlie. I hope Eenie inherits your sweetness.
Related post: See you in cat heaven, Charlie!
I woke up to an emergency today when my niece told me Charlie fell. He was seriously injured, bleeding and was barely moving but still conscious. He tried to meow back when I called out to him but no sound came. I just saw his mouth move. We guessed it had been some time since he was slumped there. I usually leave him out upstairs at night to mingle with the other cats.
I brought him to a clinic first and my fear was confirmed about the extent of his injury. They suggested I go to the animal hospital instead. There at the hospital I knew of the real score: one of his lungs was punctured, his liver was damaged and a rib was broken. Regardless of treatment they said he will not last very long. I requested that I see Charlie on the operating table (they normally don’t allow that) and I couldn’t hold back crying as the procedure was being discussed. It was so painful standing there helpless and more painful when asked if I wanted to put him to sleep. I requested them to just close his wounds and I would take him home.
However, Charlie didn’t survive the operation. I was not able to say goodbye to him.
Charlie was one of the sweetest cats I have had. He was with me since he was about 3mos old when I saw him playing right outside our house and I just arrived from grocery shopping. He was 2yrs old. I will miss him walking all over my computer keyboard. I will miss him blocking my screen. I will miss him rousing me in the middle of the night asking to be let out.
I will miss you very much Charlie!
In 2008 my buddy Bong of FoodShelterAndClothing asked me to do a remix of their song Meet the Dead. It was to be released for Halloween the same year and I had to rush to come up with a decent version of my own. So I channeled all my anger to remixing it (sounds familiar, right) and came up with quite an atonal cyberpunk version.
Smartly titled Meet The Dead (Reanimation Mix), it will make you groove to the beat early on and later pogo dance like a drugged-out punk.
For FoodShelterAndClothing’s free Meet The Dead Maxi Single, click here. (You will be asked to log in or register.)
Meet my cat family.
Five years since I recorded this song. How time flies. It’s funny that I still get random “pranks” as some friends sing the line “Farewell… So long…” complete with facial expression when they see me. I guess that’s their way of saying they like the song (very much).
We all seem to like love songs. We all seem to like breakup songs. And as I have said many times before, Swan Song (Farewell) is my ode to a love affair that ended the wrong way. It’s interesting that beautiful music could be produced by painful experiences (that I fondly call negative inspiration). Enough inspiration to write 4 completely different versions that made up the EP dubbed Swans (instead of Swan Songs that sounded strange).
The lyrics came from an old poem titled Farewell. The melody, I just built on two chords for years of random keyboard and piano playing until I completed the structure. But there’s probably a reference to an obscure New Order song and guitars from The Cure.
You may have heard of the myth of the swan song (or swansong). The legend says that, while they are mute during the rest of their lives, swans sing beautifully and mournfully just before they die. Some perfect symbolism for a love that died, turned to song.
50 CDs were given away after the listening party at Cubao X back in November 2006. Also remember being real happy that night because I was with someone special.
For your free download, please grab Swans here. (You will be asked to log in or register.)
Summary of the past 2 or so weeks: Think, think and think again.
A clash of ideas lead me to do extensive thinking and self-critique. It also brought back into mind issues and events that I reacted to in a similar way. This had something to do with a video campaign that was organized in reaction to the COMELEC decision disqualifying a political group on grounds of immorality and a threat to youth. (The decision was overruled by the Supreme Court pending review. The group is technically allowed to run now.)
For weeks these questions kept running in my head:
- Did I go too far?
- What am I doing wrong or am I doing enough?
- Am I too sensitive or am I just intolerant?
Maybe I chose the wrong words. Maybe they read it wrong. Maybe I was insensitive. Maybe they were too sensitive. Where were we all coming from? I am not expecting to answer them now, if at all.
I went to the extent of letting neutral parties read the transcript via email asking them to be as honest as possible in their analysis of what transpired. It was too late that I realized that the name of one poster showed. I admire one of them for staying impartial even though she knew that person. It also included someone who participated in the video campaign and she shared her views about the whole thing and how the videos were directed/produced. Even thanked me for asking her opinion.
Also after attending the national convention of the political group, I discussed this with peers to get a different dynamic compared to email. They said that it’s really hard to settle differing opinions and management approaches in a group especially if it’s made up of creative people because everyone is so passionate. They all suggested that it should be discussed since it was a misunderstanding between friends.
However there lies another problem. This particular issue aside, I feel we have reached another deadlock in the group. It has lead me to question whether it’s really worth continuing this dream advocacy with them. Do I just ignore my gut feeling but continue to be stressed about it? Do I bring it to their attention and add further to their ire? Am I projecting my ideas to the group? Am I expecting too much from them? Have we learned anything first time around?
Sometimes I think I would have been better off staying recluse. Dealing with people brings my pet peeves to the forefront.
I started working on this cover probably around 2004 and finished it some time 2005. I first heard this during The Late Isabel’s Doll’s Head album private party when Libby Borjal (who went by Eudoxia Vervain) performed it on stage.
BTW, today’s her birthday. Happy Birthday Libby!
I liked the chord progression and decided initially to “remix” it but ended up doing a completely different version. I sampled the electric piano intro and a line she sang and fed it into my software sequencer; programmed a couple interesting beats; plugged my MIDI keyboard and doodled with random chord washes; changed the lyrics a bit to fit the rhythm; and finally recorded the vocals. It’s my failed attempt at drum-n-bass. Haha.
Please grab the track here: Fallen Star MP3. (You will be asked to register to get the free MP3.)
When you said “I want you to be happy” and “I love you” I wanted to scold you. If you really knew what you were saying, you would have chosen to stay and become my lover.
These times are real stressful to me and I was wishing things outside my immediate vicinity would be more positive to balance things off. Unfortunately outside circumstances further complicate the way I feel.
I’ve seen this before and I have been clear about not liking it. I even “left” the group as a result. But I decided to come back hoping things to be better the second time. At the moment, things don’t look any better as I see people being ostracized again.
It really saddens me.
Today is a day after the 1st Anniversary of Restart 9: The Watari’s Machine Remix Project that was participated in by 17 Filipino electronic music producers including myself. The song “Watari’s Machine” is generally well-received since its creation in 2005 and seems to have reached cult status in the underground circuit. It is a nod to 80s dance music particularly breakdance (hiphop), electro and synthpop.
It also started a concept project in 2006 with the same name (Watari’s Machine). It carries the classic hooks of the song that inspired it.
In celebration of the project’s 1st Anniversary and the song’s 5th, I’m featuring the project again FREE FOR DOWNLOAD for your enjoyment and sharing.
Please click here. (You will need to create an account to access the article and files.)
I am also compiling versions of the song that was not part of the remix project and will come your way soon. Stay tuned!
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