Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything

Life continues to be challenging and it is often a chore just to go through a day here in the house. I have set a goal to move out soon because I don’t see it healthy for me anymore. Just the mere thought of dealing or the sight of my housemates gets me angry/stressed.

Since after 40, I have become more withdrawn and cynical of people and circumstances around me. And I have reverted to my former solitary self. I have built my life entirely on firmly rooted principles and they were challenged by the ones I (should) care about. That ultimately lead to me being selfish, secretive and even scheming. Even to the point of being cruel just to get the message across. They have been too comfortable having me around; having someone who they can run to for help; someone who can take care of the bills. That has to change. It would be interesting to see them panic once I start packing things in prep for moving out. That would make my day.

I tried diversions like music, gadgets and traveling only to find myself still feeling rather empty and lacking purpose. Gigs that used to get me real high don’t seem to get me as high. Sometimes I wonder what’s fun anymore.

I really need a big change. And fast.